Updates from Derren Brown and the Enigma Crew

Have you ever wondered when you should resume sex safely after ghost hunting? How can you exorcise a ghost that has possessed your womb? Or how can you remove a ghost from your rectum? (After you’ve finished with it, presumably.)

For today, let’s focus on “Anomalous Anal Ghost Phenomena”.

According to Moresby, when a person dies, their physical body ceases to exist, although a “ghost body” remains, consisting of the “mind, intellect, ego and soul”. Sometimes, these ghost bodies seek refuge in a human host, entering via a vulnerable cavity. Generally, they prefer to enter through the woman’s, um, birth canal, or the man’s rectum. Moresby says that the ass is an “open portal” for spirits. Why enter through a boring old ear or a mouth when you can invade a genital orifice?

Ghost hunting is to blame for this anal affliction:

My husband was plagued with anal ghost 4 times since he started Ghost Hunting. We went to many doctors to find out what his problem was until a psychic from Japan told him what was going on.

Your uninvited tenant may be the ghost of a loved one, an intimate stranger, or a dirty demon.  But how do you know if your buttocks are haunted? Rectal ghost symptoms include severe constipation, diarrhea and flatulence. Moresby claims:

I can certainly attest to this as it has happened to my husband on more then one occasion. And Felching out ghosts is usually a bigger fear and reality then one might think.

Next time you suffer from these demonic digestive system symptoms, you might want to reach for your Priest, rather than your Pepto-Bismol.

Colon Cleanse Products wull not help you if you have an anal or colon ghost!

Laxatives won’t work either. The most effective method for removing a troublesome rectal ghost is to perform a magical enema.

Besides suffering from intense pain my husband would feel it move inside him like a clawing animal. Once it even blew out the candles on my mothers birthday cake from across the room. And the stench was like a dead skunk and a refrigerator that had lost power for two weeks and was full of food.

Skepbitch (Thanks Lyvvie)