Comments on: Parents hide toddler’s gender

By: mrpeach

mrpeach — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 23:10:28 +0000

I imagine their aim is to give their child the freedom that every other child does not have. Clothing is polarised and from the age of 1, in fact from birth, we are sent to different area of the shop to purchase clothes for our children. These are heavy symbols and weigh them down. I am fascinated that these parents have maintained their ruse for so long and I wonder how much longer it will last.

By: Steve

Steve — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 20:42:37 +0000

“Child-rearing should not be about providing an opportunity to prove an ideological point, but about responding to each child’s needs as an individual,”

Such a true statement

I don’t want to tell someone how to live, but their idea does seem incredibly ignorant and self involved to get attention.

By: WalkInBeauty

WalkInBeauty — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 00:53:15 +0000

So the parents and other ‘nappy-changers’ are confident that they won’t have any influence on the child?
I grew up in a fairly masculine environment, in the 70s, where women apparently knew their place – my father and uncle were police officers.
My cousin was constantly derided by his father for making a beeline for my dolls’ house every time he visited our house as a toddler. He was the first person I knew that I could call amazing.
Nature must conquer nurture, surely? And no misguided, plainly weird people should ever use their child to prove one way or another.

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:34:36 +0000

Apologies for spelling etc. I’ve been up all night.

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:33:17 +0000

This is fascinating. So long as if the child does start to naturally gravatate towrds a ‘type’ they don’t try to stop them and neutralise the childs choice. If they are attending a school with mixed sex children the child may go with whatever others of their gender (whatever that may be) do, are interested in etc just to fit in. Interesting concept.

I agree with you semicolon. Most children and instantly placed into a gender role, from their pink or blue room and clothes to how they are treated in play and converstaion. By deciding that you aren’t going to do any of those things you are placing more emphasis on the childs individula personality rather than their physical body. Not sure how it’ll pan out long term mind you but as a very young child I think it sounds like an honourable idea.

That said, I’m not sure I’d do it myself.

(on a side note. I watched all the episodes of psychoville last night on iplayer. Disturbing in parts and very clever. Funny too! :-p Thumbs up from me.)

By: SemiColon

SemiColon — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:11:24 +0000

“Ignoring children’s natures simply doesn’t work,”

I’d say that the parents are doing the opposite of ignoring their child’s nature. To forced gender expectations on a child despite their own personality and preferences is ignoring or even suppressing their nature.

By allowing Pop to express Pop’s own identity and individuality without pressure to conform to a preconceived gender, the parents are ensuring Pop’s individual character flourishes and is not ignored.

By: faye

faye — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 21:12:45 +0000

I can understand the parents point of view. People choose labels for those they meet so they can pigeon hole, we all do it to some extent as a way to cope with individuals. It would be interesting to see who we might have been if there had not been certain pressures on us as children from the type or colour of toys we are given to the clothes are parents dressed us in. Then again maybe we become the people we are meant to be regardless

By: Julián Rodriguez Orihuela

Julián Rodriguez Orihuela — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:32:37 +0000

Everyone gets infuriated and wants a definition, RIGHT NOW.
Reminds me of the boy with the green hair.

By: Ms G

Ms G — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:18:40 +0000

Their child can actually develop some gender disorder (whatever that may be) … as it probably will sense them around him/her quite weird all the time. The parents will have to denie something inside all the time …
and how well do they know when they get into gender confirming social structures … how do they know the child will not see them as quite normal ….

Dumb people who should not have been capeable to get childeren. Go experiment on eachother with non gender experiments I’d say, leave the child out of your psychotic brain … Feminist???? They apparently did not get the meaning of that word either. I’d be in favor of therapy for the couple and a guardian for the time being to keep an eye on things.

It’s not just toys, clothes … that define gender focussed social structures … The problem with gender is that we all have a different opinion about it .. what we feel is feminine or male .. what we see as strong/weak … how we feel it is best to cope with the world … but it is the child who needs to decide .. parents can only guide them … I myself def. would not put on skirts on my boy … unless he has a thing for it. It wont change his gender preference towards himself … if he wants to put on skirts later on in life .. he will do so anyway … and that’s their own free choice.
Girls being put back in the old fashioned role model, guys who are allowed to be way more upstuck and such then their sisters … it’s a common thing .. unfortunately … Mostly the childeren will not give in though.
They will go to the exact opposite quite often .. if parents’ focus is too massive and constant in one area on them … and therefor will take something from them .. which they will not be able to use in life again. Imo parents set systems to certain levels in childerens brains and bodies … direct or indirectly … and it will be not always impossible to see it different later on but you will be limited by the body. Sometimes parents obstruct everything possible in a child system due to the fact that they do boost them too much or not enough .. push em back to the inside way too much. All structures will have major effects on someone’s being.

The question is (mine) .. what if childeren would not be raised by parents … but by a group or in a complete different setting .. with not the quite often weird parental structures new born parents throw upon their kids .. it’s the first years that are of major importance ..

Maybe no parent ever will do good … maybe we are who we are only due to this interaction .. maybe our personalities are based upon our bodies’ weak spots (we never go to that site, instinctively) .. and no matter how much a parent will focus on that weak spot … we never will give in … as it feels sick on the inside .. or too empty .. with a lack of drive …

Go completely blank into your relationship with your child .. that’s the best system I think. Nothing to do with gender. And keep a close eye on your own behaviour .. diagnose things ..yourself .. the child .. etc.
How big the reponsibility is … its beyond people self .. that’s probably why they are being called parents …

By: flapjack

flapjack — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:27:39 +0000

Anna – I don’t think anyone would argue that most girls like dolls and most boys like cars, and if they’re happy with that then fine. I just worry about the kids who are made to conform to parents expectations, regardless of whether or not they like those things. There’s a lot of gender reinforcement that goes on under the radar that most people aren’t even aware of, such as boys don’t cry, girls don’t have short hair etc. If you want to see this in action, visit any major toy store and see how gender definitions sneak into just about every second toy.
That said, kids who grow up to be gay do like action men, but for different reasons