Everything on Punch Your Face is 100% fact. It’s run by a group of misfits who call themselves: “the Mermen”. They have definitive proof that Derren is the devil incarnate. So now that he’s been outed we suggest you go there and let them know that the “Cult of Derren Brown will issue a blood-curse upon them”.
Oh and don’t forget to tell him about the “box”.
So there’re who? The Ethel fanclub??
You know you’ve arrived when you’re this month’s Anti-Christ. Congratulations, D!
This is hilarious.
Heheheheehehehehehehehehehe….Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…
I agree with Serial Insomniac, you know you’ve arrived when you’re this month’s Anti-Christ.
That did make me giggle
” He also said he would take on Chris Angel in a fight anytime anywhere. I’d like to see that. He let me type that.”
Please can we make this happen?
My particular favourite part was the ‘mind voodoo.’
Bless.
I thought that was me…..
Amazing comedy value, until you realise they are deadly serious. Oh please. The fact that such obtuse people still exist is the scariest thing I’ve seen in years.
You naughty anti christ you…..You should be ashamed of yourself telling the truth about these nut jobs. Bless ya
i can haz cheeseburger?
Being called the anti-Christ! You must be doing something right. Bravo!
Yeah I think you will find the pope is the anti christ. no other careless arse would sentence millions to a Killer diesease or virus. He is the person with the most power who can cause the most damage in a few single words…And he has proven that.
‘Derren actually eats poison for every meal and washes it down with a tall glass of mustard gas’, hahahaha, if only there was photo evidence of this!
have you read the article,its brilliant,the person must be the most paranoid person in the universe,it’s brilliant reading…keep it up derren…tip him over the edge and give him tickets to the event.
That is a very, very good piece of Brown Towers promo work
Tom: Derren Brown is the Pope, how did you miss out on this fact?
Ohw my my,… Derren looks angry doesn´t he?
This is old news… I know I’ve been a regular devil worshipper for years now!
SGC will be thrilled to hear Derren is going to take on Criss Angel… I’m betting he’ll tell him that the wall outside his house is only 4 feet high and then he’ll be too confused to fight back.
Actually, you look like Kevin Spacey in that pic. Can you limp convincingly?
You know me so well, Flapjack.
Thing is, Criss Angel can fly and vanish things. Derren Brown’ll be all BEHOLD MY ARMY OF ZOMBIES CREATED FROM THE CORPSES OF KITTENS I HAVE MADE PEOPLE MURDER and Criss Angel will wave his hand and the whole lot will disappear, then he’ll levitate Derren Brown into a tree. Have you ever see the man climb? Me neither. I bet he’ll get stuck up there.
In 1891 Nietzsche jumped out of his skin,
And in a 1972 broadcast of ‘Oh You Pretty Things’
Fell back down, across David Bowie’s grin.
So now, it seems, he’s dancing with Derren
‘Derren Brown’s ears eat bullets for fun’. I love it.
But…but…I thought Derren was an alien…..so confused….
OMG but I forgot about that time Derren Brown went through a transporter with a fly and their DNA migled and now he’s part fly and can FLY, so he’ll fly out of the tree and vomit stomach acid at Criss Angel. But Criss Angel has been squished by steamrollers and landrovers and he’s been on fire, all with no ill effects, so he’ll just laugh it off.
Hahahahaha! Well done Derren!
He’s not the Anti-Christ, he’s a very naughty boy.
Discovered stumbled on this glossy article from Wikipedia… I think it’s taken from Hello magazine… showing a typical day at Brown Towers. Had no idea it had 9 basements. Just wondering where the tower bit is… and which floor are Phillis, Coops and Abeo to be found on?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_(Dante)
@SGC I’m liking the army of Zombie kittens!
Watch out, derren may throw a fossil at you, I did find “you have been watching” quite odd
actually, its true, Derren mustve hypnotised me to worship him forever in his Enigma tour, coz as soon as i got home i bought his dvds lol! and ive been hooked ever since hahaha
x
Derren Brown shouldn’t worry about this loonatic! Anything that increases his popularity is good, Derren’s got more publicity!
Funny this is mentioned cause the same thought run through my mind yesterday night when I was watching a series from HashemsFilms which talks about the antichrist and how society these days have been affected by methods used by governments and high powered people to control ‘normal people’.
Also watched Heroes the series, what Derren Brown shows is the kind of powers that the police guy uses on other ppl, such as memory, mindcontrol, mind reading, making a person believe something thats not true, making people forget, etc…
There are speculations that the series was created by the Freemasons, which are the ones preparing the world to receive the anti-christ, by controlling people with TV, they show series like Heroes (love it though) that shows normal people with powers (god-like…
who’s Chris Angel?
Hahaha, love it
Who’s Criss Angel???? He’s the man destined to defeat Derren Brown and save us all. The “Angel” in his name is a clue that he is a godly messenger sent to take on this antichrist. He can walk on water like Jesus, too.
Derren Brown will try to do what he did with David Blaine, and trap Criss in a glass box hanging on London Bridge wired up to send a fatal electric shock into the box’s prisoner when a red button is pressed, but Criss Angel can walk through glass, I’ve seen it on YouTube – his assistants will just hang a cloth over it, he’ll grunt for a bit then you’ll see him appear on a nearby rooftop waving his arms triumphantly and screaming his own name.
Also he forgot to add the actual button when he had David Blaine in there. Epic fail.
I thought .. my bidding????? An auction ????
But apparently it is indeed .. the wish/command thing. Now, we are not into that apart from our own wish/command thing so that is not a problem I guess. Seeing that I am taller than Brown (slightly) and had more work outs … the crunching will stay a abdomen crunch on Derren’s side ..
Good PR on the site ofcourse (well .. PR .. sounds like a huge fan, slightly psychotic as Derren is there already …. now, as he is not there but here .. I’d say .. he is psychotic .. ).
Derren remotely hypnotised me and made me write this entry.
LOL Article funny, comments even funnier!
LC x
Crush .not crunch ….. hm … that is being in love then, huh? Not a problem either, just make sure to add ‘have’ and ‘on’ in the future … No, doesn’t matter ..slipping here and there in texts is only human., don’t worry about that.
There were a few other hidden meanings to the word crush but .. looking at Brown …and looking back at the meanings of the word crush ……….. NAH ….. can’t be … I mean, HOW?! I’m a realistic person, trusting what I see … and .. NAH …we don’t buy that .. it needs to be meaner … the expression … it needs a little work … still too sophisticated …
We need a ‘Derren Brown facts’ website. Seriously. Chuck Norris is kind of feeble in comparison o.o.
‘Memory Championship tournaments ban Derren Brown due to him intimidating the other 99 players by recalling, in order, all of his playing cards. And everyone else’s.’
‘Derren Brown once hypnotised a dead person into thinking he was alive.’
‘Research shows that watching any one of Derren Brown’s shows will do more than 10 years of psychiatric therapy ever could.’
‘Penn and Teller plan to have ‘Is this your card? 3 Clubs’ engraved on their tombstones. Derren Brown plans to have ‘Killer Devil Baloney’ writen on his to hypnotise any lucky readers into robbing banks.’
‘If Derren Brown ever asks you out for a drink sometime, don’t bother. He’s just taken your wallet.’
grr, that last one is ‘If Derren Brown ever asks you out for a drink sometime, don’t bother. He’s just taken your wallet.’
Why does it cut off like that? :\
@Muff Hahahaha!!!
What a site. That’s made my day
Yeah, I made a bowl of soup the other day, but before I was able to eat it, I had to go & take a telephone call. When I got back, my soup had gone cold, and worse still, had a skin on it.
This could only be the nefarious work of DB.
He is everywhere.
I read somewhere that he can’t stand pink Jelly Tots, so I have them stuck round all the doors & windows in my house with drawing pins.
Hey I been lookin for you for ages, drop me a line
Yours
Satan xx
@jameshogg: I’ve added it onto the end, if you can’t see the character limit counting down as you type, it probably means you don’t have part’s of javascript enabled (or are using an old browser).
derren if you are gonna take over the world will you please hurry up before the powers that be completely ruin it! lol
Jameshogg:
Derren Brown doesn’t really speed-read. He just stares books down until they give him the information and cry.
Derren Brown’s middle name is Fucking, as in “That’s Derren Fucking Brown, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE” (recycled that one from an old facts list)
Derren Brown’s animal taxidermy hobby is just practice for the greatest taxidermy subject of all – MAN.
Come on guys. Let’s do this thing. POST FACTS!
Has anyone seen the Criss Angel thing where he “thrusts his arm through a mans body” or when he “rips a woman in half”….. Interesting. Very….interesting…
cally j: just wait 2 1/2 more weeks…
@Abeo: Im using the latest Opera browser for Mac Leopard. The character limit counts down okay but I was definitely about 10 characters away from the limit :/ Is it meant to put in dots when you are close?
That’s ridiculous. He’s not even IN the UN.
@jameshogg, I’ve amended the settings slightly so it shouldn’t do it again
That trailer for “The events”… if you run the sound backwards he says “I am legion and I shall tear your souls apart”. Fact!
Some more facts:
‘Derren Brown isn’t going backwards. The rest of the universe is.’
‘When Derren Brown was playing Russian Roulette, not everything was as it seemed. The gun was, in fact, fully loaded.’
‘Whilst looking at a mirror, Derren Brown can hypnotise his own reflection.’
‘The Prime Minister laughing hysterically non-stop and the Queen forgetting what the Union Jack looks like. Yep, these are some of Derren Brown’s warm-up exercises.’
‘If you think you understand quantum theory, you don’t understand quantum theory. If you think you understand Derren Brown, you don’t remember your own name.’
‘You don’t have a savings account. That still didn’t stop Derren Brown from knowing the PIN number.’
So you went to Venice ? Meeting with the Pope springs to mind, have you got your sainthood and you haven’t told anyone ?1
JamesHogg, get on Facebook and search groups for “Derren Brown facts”
That article is brilliant! Kudos to those writers, that’s amused me no end!
Derren Brown’s mind power is so immense, he CAN pop and stop at one Pringle.
Me: that one’s brilliant. Please join our facebook group and add it to our ever-growing list, or give me permission to add it!
Heh, be my guest.
Added!
Jameshogg do you want to add yours? They rock.
Yeah I did lol. I just made up a Facebook account there.
But I posted them on the wall. I wasn’t aware there was a forum thread as well lol.
Fact: No street will ever be named after Derren Brown, because if you cross Derren Brown you’ll suddenly forget where you’re going & who you are.
Derren Brown was once surgeon. He was fired because they didn’t approve of his “Three Blind Mice” method.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick has NOTHING on Derren Brown’s handshake.
Derren Brown once converted the anticrist.
It’s against the law to drive & answer your cell phone when Derren calls. It may cause black outs & chances are you never gave him you full number anyway.
DB caused America’s “recession.” Businesses went bankrupt after realizing they only have blank paper in their safes & armored trucks were being robbed everywhere.
Oh sweet! Missed the FB group post! Fun, Fun, Fun!
Hehehe. That was definitely good for a giggle. And Derren would totally win in a fight with Criss Angel. He’d make him forget HOW to levitate.
So finely tuned is his mental prowess that Derren can, in fact, place a Rowntrees Fruit Pastel in his mouth WITHOUT chewing it.
Shawna those are all brilliant and I hope you are adding them to the group as I write this. And Darren, if you don’t sign up, can we add yours to it?
Ali: filthy LIES.
Derren Brown saved the world from a Martian invasion by using the glare off his bald spot to flash confusing signals into space.
Derren Brown can wear a suit of armour, mohair y-fronts, and a pair of clown shoes and still run faster than Usain Bolt.
He is so rich that he once paid £10,000,000 for a dead grasshopper stuffed with diamond dust, and then when he accidentally dropped it down a drain just shrugged and said “c’est la vie!”.
Derren Brown’s wrists are so dainty that he has to use a special support harness to keep his hands from falling off.
@ScreamingGreenConure – Certainly, go ahead
Derren Brown is the only person alive today who knows what the words “Kum By Ya” actually mean.
Derren Brown’s wall actually is four feet high. Psyche!
Thanks Darren! Go Go, can your be used?
Derren Brown can solve a rubix cube by looking at it.
A Scanner once blew up his own head trying to read Derren Brown’s mind.
Derren Brown owns a custom built car that runs on brain power and voodoo.
Derren Brown owns Odin’s left eye, which he keeps next to his computer. He thought it looked pretty.
Derren Brown once visited the Myers house in Haddonfield. While Derren was there, Michael stayed locked in a cupboard and refused to leave.
I got a million of ‘em.
‘Course they can!
Kat we need you! Go join the group.
Also I was just trying to think of a Scanners one, good call
Antichrist? Just wait till the Unclechrist gets here…
This isn’t Jess posting this comment…..it’s Derren! I was psychicly able to guess Jess’s computer password, then operate the keyboard and mouse without even touching them!!! Kneel before me, or I shall turn your hair pink!
P.s. Jess would like me to tell you that her sides hurt from too much laughing.
SGC – Thanks! I posted them. I missed the thread as well. If you want, feel free to move them
Here’s just a few more for those non-Facebook people….
Fact: Michael Jackson’s “Can You Feel It” & Nike’s “Just Do It” slogan have been banned on streets in which banks are located thanks to Derren Brown.
Derren Brown’s computer doesn’t have a “Ctrl” key. His has a “Mnd Ctrl” key.
(Side Fact: Phillis isn’t afraid to push it.)
That’s not taxidermy Derren Brown collects. He just put them in a trance state & they can’t move.
The mind is a powerful thing, & Derren Brown finds it delicious.
Derren Brown ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. And got one.
Criss Brown & David Blaine took one look at The Events trailer, hung their heads, & quit their jobs
Joined and posted.
Hmmm interesting theory there.
Surely, if he’s the Anti-Christ… then that must mean that Christ did indeed exsist (perhaps not in the capacity most would be led to believe)….
No I don’t think that’s me btw… lol that would indeed be mental, wouldn’t it.
Must be boring to be so powerful and not have your ‘nemesis’ around.
After all, what’s the point in an easy win?
Peace, Love and Harmony People!
You both rock! This group is the BEST EVER.
GoGo: yours are now posted
The Vulcan race once went to Derren Brown in search of wisdom and power. Derren invented ‘The Mind Meld’ and gave it to them as a present.
Derren Brown IS Christ, he’s merely preserving his secret.
Derren Brown can cure insomnia by merely uttering the words ‘… and sleep’.
Creationists are one of Derren Brown’s failed experiments. They escaped from his basement laboratory.
Derren Brown’s favourite piece of taxidermy is his basilisk.
‘Count to three. That is how long it takes Derren Brown to hypnotise you. Fifty-seven times.’
‘By law, everybody has the right to purchase a ‘Derren Brown Immunity Card’ which restricts them from being mind-fucked. It’s just too bad that Derren makes them forget they ever had it.’
‘Derren Brown once painted a caricature of Jeremy Kyle and proceeded to hit the portrait repeatedly with an axe. Thousands of miles away, Jeremy Kyle died.’
‘A Zen student once asked ‘Does Derren Brown seek enlightenment?’ and the teacher answered ‘No, enlightenment seeks Derren Brown.’ At that moment, the student became enlightened.’
Nope…
The box still isn’t really there…. it’s all in the mind… well not in mine anyway.
Still think it’s all quite amusing really
I take it Derren will be adding a kitten to his taxidermy collection then?
Great article and great posts. Of course Derren is the anti-christ, we wouldn’t have him any other way other than hanging upside down, and reciting the bible backwards
Thanks for finding the humor in the whole post. You’re an amazing talent. Thought id’ just share your brillance with some of my readers in a silly manner…
Please come to the States again soon.
-Adam
Derren Brown knows where all your battleships are in ‘Battleship’, even before you’ve decided where to put them.
Derren should make a show (hopefully one day) where he makes everyone think he is the next fallen angel.
If he is to do this, the world will be really amazed and of course there will be a lot of critics so it could in fact destroy his life in some sort of way by religious attacks.
I think the bible mentions that an angel will be appearing on earth, this is the angel that will fool everyone (everyone will think he is a type of christ) – it will be the one to prepare everyone on earth for the second coming after him which will be the anti-christ, at that moment in time people will accept him as a god and follow him.
Derren please make a show like this, if you need some ideas contact me, I have a couple
To quote someone who knows about such things, “He’s not the anti-christ, he’s just a very naughty boy…”
@Go Go – That’s not a joke, that’s an idea for the next series right there.
Except Derren can do that with real submarines and a map of the world’s oceans!
Derren Brown can boil time. You may think that is not possible, but that is because Derren wants you to think that.
The D in “4D” stands for Derren.
Derren no longer plays board games. Instead, upon seeing you approach with one, he laughs mockingly and wins by default.
oh good grief Derren the anti christ lol reminds me of some old stuff I once saw online people saying if we merely watch Derren then we’re going to hell, I just sit back & laugh like a hyena on laughing gas
Seriously If that were the case I’d definately be going to hell in a hangbasket ’cause not only do I watch Derren on the tv I see him live too I’m doomed doomed I tell you
and may I ask what happens to those of us who fancy him big style??? and to those of us who’ve kissed him??? or been kissed by him? is there any worse than hell If so I guess I’m going there then
ah well may make a lovely day trip I suppose hahaha
seriously loving some of the mad comments must join that facbook group sounds hilarious!
You’re just showing off now Chantelle
x
Can’t add much to all these brilliant comments right now other than the good ol’ ‘Lol!’
x
Here I thought everyone knew David Copperfield was the real anti-christ.
Wanted to post something…too scared!!! Too many clever and funny people….I can’t do it!!! Feel so insignificant!! Argh!!
I am from the cult of Paul Daniels and we… err, well, to be precise, I will issue a blood curse on you Derren Brown fans. Maybe Debbie McGee too if she has the time, she’s awfully busy with the gardening these days though.
haha! is this guy being serious!? he actualy doesnt get it derren is just talented, works hard and is passionte about what he does! that whys hes soo good! just like other people that have become extra ordinary and talented at other things, geez what a tube he is!
Cat
x
Derren is my god and I am lost without him!
@Paul Daniels – When did Derren let you out? Come back to Brown Towers and I’ll feed you and put you back to bed.
Haha that’s brill!
Btw, *creepy* goatee? Tad harsh I think !
This is still infuritating! lol
this did make me laugh… the cult of Derren Brown…
‘yes we are agents of Derren, but our duties are largely ceremonial’
derren brown is the anti christ who is currently under satans influence.. you may choose to ignore this and beleive what you wish.. but you have been warned