The rehabilitation of the beleaguered Large Hadron Collider was on hold tonight after the failure of one of its powerful cooling units caused by an errant chunk of baguette.
The £4 billion particle-collider faced more than a year of delays after a helium leak stymied the project in its first few days of operation. It is gradually being switched back on over the coming months but suffered a new setback on Tuesday morning.
Scientists at the CERN particle physics laboratory in Geneva noticed that the system’s carefully monitored temperatures were creeping up.
Further investigation into the failure of a cryogenic cooling plant revealed an unusual impediment. A piece of crusty bread had paralysed a high voltage installation that should have been powering the cooling unit.
Was it that ^ specific piece of baguette? If so, I think something very fishy is going on. It looks deliberate…
Damn, i want it to work for once
Ahhhh, I knew I left it somewhere.
I had to go hungy for the rest of the day because of that!
Ok ok… So I wondered if it might actually create the world’s first higgs and mayo sub.
Not had much ‘luck’ that thing has it?
Didn’t they also wonder if it may actually have been stopping itself working from the future?… Well that or a baguette, either theory’s good.
I know I’m not funny really, but I must get some points for trying.
Pax, amor et concordia.
x
haha lol thats a funny picture, i have just got in from a night out which makes this super odd haha nice photo, i think its a mr potato head in the making.
erm, I’d like to think I’m quite rational but WTF? if you can’t throw your lunch in the bin what hope of colliding any particles responsibly?
save me jeebus x
If someone came back in time to prevent the LHC from working I am sure they would have taken a different approach than “via Greggs”
- hahahahaha – Phillis
Looks like a super fan bagette. DA BEARS!!!
Coach DITKA
Makes me think of one of my favorite Warren Buffet quotes: “If I ever write a book it’s gonna be called Why smart people do dumb things”.
>insert joke about french work attitude here <
Who ate the baguette afterwards.?
If they really want to freak people out,, they should schedule the re-start for December 21, 2012.
A spokesman for CERN told The Times: ‘Nobody knows how it got there. The best guess is that it was dropped by a bird, either that or it was thrown out of a passing aeroplane’ – As anyone thought about installing a roof,I think I mean this stuff is pretty expensive kit? We all know it was one of the hungry boffins (poss Proff Cox) midnight snacking. Perhaps now they will eat only soft babs and leave the crusty stuff alone!
I love baguettes
I really don’t think God wants it to work 
Like the carrot on the stick thing with the donkey. Once they get sort of close, he takes it away again 
Oh, i know what i mean, even if no-one else does!
will this ever be switched on? I got money down on the Higgs!
“Mr Smith, on closer inspection of the Large Hadron Collider, we have found, not only a piece of baguette, but a lunch box with your name on it, and the remnants of some cheese – emmental. Why on earth did you decide to store your lunch in the Collider’s cooling unit?”
“The fridge was full.”
And the not so subtle subliminal reporting suggests a frenchman is the culprit.
Potential for a diplomatic incident!
If time travel is being used to prevent the LHC from working, then Greggs is as good a route than any other.
The time traveller gets to have lunch (on expenses), and the result is to make the LHC fail in an amusing way, so doesn’t look at all like a professional job, and nobody could possibly believe that it’s due to interference from the future.
Either that it’s an experiment into how time travel affects the expiration date of foodstuffs.
Here’s what actually happened: the accelerator worked perfectly both times, but it ripped the fabric of causality, destroying this particular universe. The causal chain that led to the event unravelled, quantum handshake by quantum handshake, until a point was reached in the probability matrix of the past where an agent (the baguette) had interfered with the destructive event. Or, from a different perspective, the universes where the accelerator didn’t work are the only ones that survived. My theory will be proved if the reasons for failure seem to become more and more improbable…
What’s it doing in France…I thought it was under Switzerland…
Nice stereotypical French racism there :p
I like the fact that such a powerful machine is stopped by a chunk of baguette…
love it x
Ok, obviously whoever built this didn’t do a brilliant job considering it’s broken down about three times now. Do you think he secretly doesn’t want to form a black hole?
It makes me feel reassured that humanity’s greatest physics project to uncover the secrets of the universe, is in the hands of people who are unable to locate their dinner…
Yes and they blame some kind of spirit being trying to stop them from making the big bang. hmmm
To be fair, the LHC’s predecessor – the Large Electron-Positron Collider – was once knackered up by a can of Heiniken (true story). Equally implausible, but it managed to not annihilate the universe when turned on.
I have recently read about the nature of time travel in John Richard Gott’s book of Time Travel in Einseins Universe which describes that reverse time travel isn’t possible, but due to many set backs in starting the LHC i feel that it could be people from the future sabotaging it to stop us setting it off – I mean come on – A baguette in the cooling tanks?!? This has got to be more than just a rogue seagull with too much bread in its mouth!
- Time travelling seagulls? – Phillis
They have been lying about this “experiment” from day one — it is not, nor has ever been, for the purpose of finding the “graviton” or “God particle”, because they SECRETLY know that said particle DOES NOT EXIST.
The machine is actually part of a satellite-based tectonic weapon system (i.e. top-secret military tech), cleverly disguised by the “prince of the powers of the air” (i.e. the controller of airspace and airwaves) which can deliver large quantities of ions up to awaiting satellites, which then pulse modulate and relay the particle stream back down at the same frequency as the natural resonant frequency of the particular tectonic plate they have targeted. For anyone that knows how a cathode ray tube functions, just imagine a very large one with a yoke 27km in circumference…
@alsetalokin finally an explanation that makes sense