So that wonderful holiday – Jesus’ Birthday – that some of you love and some of you hate is upon us again. The 500 requests of “Please tell me what to get my wife for xmas, she’s a huge fan…?” have already started to appear in our in-boxes and make us cry. Other than recommending the obvious perfectly made CH4 DVD box sets and incredible books by our own favourite wizard we usually get a little stuck for ideas. (Those of you landing here from a link via our emails will hopefully now understand).

It’s going to be cold and wet, there’s no point going out and so we – DB’s very own web-based assistants (Phillis & Abeo) – have spent a few hours arguing and screaming and finally put together (in NO particular order) a nice little list of what you can watch whilst recovering from excessive amounts of Christmas pudding, biscuit selections, extremely trivial pursuits and TV bile. DB watches no TV unless it comes in a boxset, so none of this reflects his own opinion.

Here they are – please let us know if we forgot anything in the comments:

1. Sherlock Holmes BBC remake

After excessive tweets telling us to “watch this… OMG” we did so – reluctantly. A remake of anything as sacred as SH better be damn good or a kitten gets electrocuted. “TV remake” is never a phrase that brings any joy to our ear, however the BBC really delivered on this one. It was not only a fantastically gripping series it’s a well fitting, fresh and fun remake that helped update the character to modern day Baker St. From the blogging journals of Watson to the slick overlay of typography that help us see Holmes’ mind at work – this was a series that truly delivered and got us all a little bit wet.

What’s so DB-esq then? Not only has it been mentioned several times on the web that the BBC remake of Sherlock Holmes was based on DB himself, but there’s some hints at dress sense and behavioural ticks that seem a little too coincidental for us. A poor decision not to include goatees resulted in 3 people nearly losing their job, only to be saved by rampant use of waistcoats.
DVD available here – but the iPlayer is worth checking out for a free version.

2. Sherlock Holmes (Guy Richie version)

Not only were we approached to try and get DB on the red carpet for this show there were a few rather enthusiastic offers to ensure we reviewed it well regardless of what we thought. I think with this movie it’s very much one you’ll either love or hate and some people are divided. We personally didn’t think it was the greatest remake to hit the big screen but there’s definitely a lot of fun to be had in this version and it’s certainly worth checking out. It feels very Hollywood and RDJ certainly adds to this. But Jude Law (a good friend of DB’s) helps bring back the traditional, stiff-upper-lip, tea-drinking, pipe smoking, English sense of pomp and tradition we all crave here in Blighty.

What’s so DB-esq then? Well there’s the obvious sexual frustration at the loss of the RDJ goatee we were forced to make love to in Iron Man, it’s at times unkept and even non-existent, but a good use of waistcoats, super thin canes, stylish hats and the constant internal voice during fisticuffs is a nice reprise. It could be argued there’s more of DB in Jude Law but let’s not go there.
DVD and reviews available here

3. The Illusionist

When we first saw the poster for this movie we all did a hefty double take. Was that DB himself in the poster? We have heard that DB was an inspiration for the role. Any mention of a movie made about an illusionist is always met with well earned snobbery on our behalf but to date Edward Norton’s portrayal has been considered as one of his best roles. Paul Giamatti and Jessica Biel both give equally brilliant performances along with Rufus Sewell who is a rather satisfying baddie. It’s a brilliant movie with a solid story that many of you will have seen given its giant success at the box office. If not you really should check this one out.

What’s so DB-esq then? Fantastic goatee maintenance throughout the film, good use of waistcoats and canes, a glowing crystal ball and lots of illusions – oh and Norton is a lovely.
DVD available here

4. The Prestige

Christian Bale and Michael Cane? Sounds like a familiar team. The Prestige was a giant success and it’s release within months of The Illusionist gave 2006 a rather magic feel. David Bowie also makes an amazing appearance as Tesla who you’d be more than forgiven for not recognising at all. A great movie with a very sinister feel to it – yet another must see for any fan of the illusionary nature.

What’s so DB-esq then? The matter-transfer box is based on the exact technology that drives all Derren’s live shows backstage. Initially Bale approached DB to help style and sculpt the perfect goatee arrangement – unfortunately Bale became difficult to work with and the research was abandoned. Bale often burst out at random intervals and shouted about “trashing the lights” at the barbers – the relationship quickly broke down. Bale was forced to use a fake and the resulting bushel of facial hair that appears momentarily throughout it a real shame. Great magical storyline that’s nice and dark with plenty of twists to feed your noggin.
DVD available here

5. Little Britain

Possibly the funniest thing on TV in the early 2000’s was Little Britain. If you didn’t like it – there was something wrong with you and since then “computer says no, I want that one” and “kerfuffle” have become part of our everyday language. Top of the list for us was failed hypnotist Kenny Craig who’s catch phrase I really shouldn’t have to remind you of.

What’s so DB-esq then? Matt Lucas has said in interviews that “Kenny Craig would love to be and thinks he is Derren Brown, unfortunately ended up as Paul McKenna in makeup”. Originally Kenny had no goatee – but it was later added when Derren offered to supply his own personal trimmings to Lucas who is unable to grow his own. Check out that waistcoat too.
DVD available here (although seriously! At least one – if not all of your relatives already own it)

6 Lie To Me

If you want a great actor to make a show then Tim Roth is an ideal candidate. Many people often think Roth is American born and bred because of both his rise to fame in Reservoir Dogs and his ability to mimic all kinds of accents so perfectly. Lie to me is an excellent series – Roth is a loveable rogue with deliberately few manners and a hat full of skills. Based on the work of Paul Ekman, Roth’s brilliant Dr Cal Lightman is able to extract the truth from people, possessing seemingly brilliant, mind reading abilities that are dark and mysterious yet very likable. If you’ve not seen this – give it a try, worth it for the highly useful references to micro-expressions alone.

What’s so DB-esq then? The choice of a lightly haired, highly animated, receding Englishman with mind reading abilities and a stare that could kill a rhino may or may not be a coincidence. Roth’s goatee is a shameful mess, but this in no way ruins what is almost a near perfect show.
DVD available here – the show is also currently on TV too.

7. Magicians

Back in 2007 Mitchell and Webb decided to take a light poke at the magic community. In what seems like the “Peep show as Penn and Teller” it’s a pretty funny watch and has seen its cult status amongst Peep Show fans sustained even though it was initially disliked by outsiders.

What’s so DB-esq then? Not only is DB actually in this movie – for but a tiny second – the character played by Webb moves into a parody of DB. Objective made the film so we know this well. No one has taken credit to date – but the decision to remove the goatee was rather a bad one and is the sole reason this film was refused Golden Globe and Oscar nominations.
DVD available here

8. The Mentalist

If you were to take Lie To Me, add a sprinkle of woo-woo, swap out the main character for an overly buffed, goatee-less super-hunk, you’d end up with The Mentalist. It’s good fun.

What’s so DB-esq then? Well apart from the endless reviews saying “This is Derren Brown as a detective” – or similar such statements, we have it from the makers of the show that it is based on Derren himself. The main writer, it turns out, is a huge fan of our little boy, which makes Derren go all blushy and giggly. We say give it a go and see what you think. The use of waistcoats actually stopped this being removed from the list.
DVD available here

9. Family Guy

Simpson’s rip-off Family Guy has been around long enough for even the most sheltered, culturally unaware individuals to have at least sneaked a view. Unless you’ve been living in a cave or are just plain brain dead you’ll have seen at least a few moments of this sick and twisted cartoon nightmare, that none of us here at Brown Towers would ever watch, quote or own complete box sets of.

What’s so DB-esq then? The character Stewie is clearly a rip off of DB’s own super eccentric, self-critical alter ego with a strange accent – Bizarre Rant Man – many people only get to see DB perform on this live on stage. However for those of you who really are super closeted and clearly out of touch with any form of popular culture, here it is again.

Derren does Stewie. Link to bizarre rant

We couldn’t actually find a convincing 10th (and lets face it if you missed the sarcasm of the 9th then stop reading now and get off the internet). But if you do come up with a good 10th – leave a comment and the best one will get a nice little xmas surprise.

One of the things we get asked most is if you the fans can ask Derren a question. Well now’s your chance!

The Svengali Tour Brochure will include an interview made up entirely of questions submitted in this competition.

Rules:
1/ One question per person please
2/ Please include your first name and general location (so we can say who the question is from in the brochure, if you don’t we will put from ‘anonymous’)
3/ You must enter via the link provided below

Example Entry:
What’s your favourite TV project to date?
Abeo, London

How do you enter? Head over to the following page:
http://derrenbrown.co.uk/contact-us/competition/

If you find you’re having trouble loading the page it may be because thousands of you are trying at once! If so, please try the form again a little later.

The competition is open until 6pm Friday 3rd Dec.

The winning questions will be announced/shown in the Svengali Tour Brochure 🙂

NOTE:
YOU HAVE TO ENTER VIA THE FORM PROVIDED ABOVE, ANY QUESTIONS SUBMITTED VIA FACEBOOK, TWITTER OR IN BLOG COMMENTS WILL NOT COUNT.

If you haven’t heard, Derren has a new book out called “Confessions Of A Conjuror”. Here’s a recent review from the Sunday Times:
(Follow the link at the bottom to get a sneak peak inside the book).

“”What a trick! You might think from the title that Derren Brown — the goateed illusionist nobody wants to play at poker — had written a bog-standard celebrity memoir. But look closer. What do you see? Not an autobiography at all, but a weird, whimsical and, at times, uproarious deconstruction of the celebrity-memoir genre. Whether at his writing desk or in front of the camera, it seems Brown is happiest when leading his audience a merry dance.

Confessions of a Conjuror is a description of one night in a Bristol restaurant. Brown is in his twenties, a “jobbing magician…a few years before a lucky phone call brought me a TV break and a move away from that green city of artists and therapists and tramps to a grey metropolis of actors and 
wankers and hedge-fund traders”.

In the first chapter, he is looking for a group of diners to dazzle. By the end of the memoir he is still in that same room, having astonished a table of punters with a series of card tricks. During his account of one night’s work, Brown details how the cut of a man’s shirt, or a certain smell, set off a chain of thoughts. From these observations, he delves into his past life, future career, his methods, beliefs, sexuality, the wisdom of Aristophanes, and, for more than three pages, the perfect way to poach eggs.

So what do we learn about Brown from this jumble sale? For one thing, he is a self-confessed obsessive. Indeed, his tendencies manifest themselves in his overwrought, Victorian prose, which is laden with fetishistic detail. His description of why he prefers red-backed cards to blue-backed is an example. Having told us blue ones “contrast less satisfyingly with the green baize of a card table or the jet black of the suit I wore”, he tells us how red cards have a certain “new-world pizzazz”. Anyway, blue reminds him of school — it was the “prescribed ink colour…and I cannot use it to this day without feeling in my gut that I am again a student and should be handing in my work for marking”.

Much of the book freewheels in this way. One has to be on the look-out for biographical gems that might drift past on a two-page footnote. Occasionally, a moving nugget catches the eye. For instance, he offers two explanations for his interest in magic. The first involves a number of items with which he became fascinated as a child (a magic hat given to him at Christmas, a hidden compartment in an After Eight box), but the second, psychological explanation seems more convincing. Brown was an only child until he was nine; as a “precocious, sensitive” and un-sporty boy at school, he was teased for being part of the “poof gang”, but adapted, in his late teens, into a showman and comedian. Now, as a gay man who has confirmed that “for those still in any doubt that, given the choice, I was a stickler for man-on-man action”, he seems happy in his own skin. It was not always the case. His “lack of relationships during and after university (a means of avoiding the awkward confusion of whether I should happily accept the whoopsie within or wait for him to somehow pass) frees up huge amounts of creative energy to spend practicing card-sleights and developing tricks”.

Ah, magic. There is some method given away here, but not much. Mostly, Brown provides an insight into how malleable and suggestible the average punter is. The magician’s skill is to make the audience focus on unimportant things, to allow their brains to make connections that are not there. For that reason, he says, magic is all context. “In the best performances, the trick itself is often not the primary pleasure,” he writes. “The finest pieces soar not necessarily because they are the most bamboozling, but because they are performed by an utterly captivating character, or imbued with a theatrical sensibility…an experience of genuine drama, fun or enchantment.”

“Magic,” he also admits, “means nothing.” For Brown, this is not a cause for despondency. His punters experience “surprise and delight”, and the “trivial nature of the variables is irrelevant”. And that, it seems, is the message of this strange, postmodern book. Brown elevates seemingly insignificant moments in his life and imbues them with drama. “To really know someone,” he suggests, is to “gently trace their dreamy associations”. He may be right. In Confessions of a Conjuror, Brown takes us on a meandering pleasure cruise downriver. It is worth the journey.””

You can get a sneak peak inside Confessions Of A Conjuror here. It’s also available for purchase it on Amazon in Hardback or Audio Book.

What campaign stunt would you pull in an election?
The few proper ‘stunts’ I’ve done have been pretty gruelling and I have done them more out of obligation than any desire for mass attention. So I’d want to do something that drew no attention to myself, which is one reason why I’d be a useless politician and would hate every second of it.

Would you take part in a TV leaders debate?
Happily. I’d quite enjoy it. Though I’ve never managed to pull off the politicians’ trick of thinking that my view is the single, correct one, so I’d be pretty hopeless.

Who would write your speeches?
I’d have to write them myself. That would be one small personal pleasure I’d get from the job.

How would you redecorate No 10?
I’m thinking something like the Addams Family mansion. And I’d swap the policeman at the door for a guy with a hunchback.

Who would be your Alastair Campbell?
Don’t know. I’d have to have Stephen Fry in there somewhere.

Who would be your George Osborne?
Gordon Brown. I might as well have someone who knows what he’s doing. I’m hopeless with money. I’d spend it all on presents and dinners.

Who would be in your cabinet?
All of the X-Men.

Where would you hold cabinet meetings?
Patrick Stewart’s place – convenient.

How would you respond to being booed in public?
I’d respond by sobbing and getting very defensive.

How would you deal with a sex scandal in the cabinet?
With a huge party. It sounds very exciting.

What would you have as a new national anthem?
I think something instrumental. Or John Cage’s 4’33”.

How would you greet the Queen?
By grinning inanely and talking bollocks, which is generally what I do when meeting people of great authority.

Would you make Scotland independent?
It would be rude not to if that was what Scotland wanted.

What would keep you awake at night?
Half the country hating me.

What would you miss most while in No 10?
That level of fame would be miserable. So I’d miss the D-list status I currently enjoy.

Which pets would you get for No 10?
Lions and tigers. It would be amazing.

How would you see off a younger, better-looking political rival?
I’d make his head explode. Or if he was a lot younger and a lot better-looking, I might consistently flirt with him until he was forced to give up politics.

How would you increase participation in politics?
Nude dancing.

Who would succeed you as PM?
Someone who was the polar opposite of me. That seems to be the usual pattern – a swing from charismatic to boring and back again.

What legacy would you like to leave?
I think it would be best for everyone to forget about it as soon as possible.

(This article was first published in Total Politics magazine)

“I loathed myself again. My heart pounded beneath my stupid blousy gay shirt, and as ever, I found it absurd that I had done this a thousand times yet still battled with the same weary desire to be veiled in the shadows of a corner, to keep out of everyone’s way and let them enjoy themselves in peace.

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