Look and smile. I love this guy.
Haha, love the upselling!
The background music has a very ‘Chris Morris’ esque feel to it…. Dreamy…
“Here’s to tomorrow!” Heh hee…
Gin and scratch cards! that’s more like an ASDA offer. “Buy any white Adidas track suit and claim your free 1hr consultation with a criminal lawyer.”
Derren, I don’t believe you can’t really do the things you say are just tricks. I spend the whole program trying *so* hard to believe you are just a very clever performer, showing me a trick or a deception – then you have that woman sitting in her box in Stonehenge. How did you know? you met her at a canal to give her the canvas, how does that suggest Stonehenge to someone? I’d drawn a tractor….lol
This one is genuine though:
Even better than sneaking random items into peoples’ trolleys… 🙂
Folks with a bit of personality and initiative – thank God – or whoever – for ’em!
This just puts me off sainsburys. No thank you. Ill stick to ASDA. They are cheaper and don’t have some loser from Essex endorsing them.
Is this from the same mind that brought us the human exhibit at the zoo?
Nice. Reminds me of a book by the genius Ivor Cutler called Befriend a Bacterium. A book of stickers. He used to go around supermarkets and put a sticky label on the products that just said “Made Of Dust.”
Does anyone else here ever play “Supermarket shrink”? When I’m bored and have been queuing for ages I sometimes look at the groceries of the person in front and try to deduce as much as I can about their life from the groceries they put on there.
It varies from general stuff like the size of the family they’re providing for and their likely cholesterol count, income bracket etc, to whether they’re likely to bore their blind date shitless by 9pm.
That last one was based on observing a guy who had one of those fancy cheeses that can only be created from the milk of a goat on heat once a year in a remote village in Chekoslovakia, accompanied by a posh bottle of wine from the vineyards of southern Marakesh, and the rest of his basket was like that too. That meal comes with a slideshow 😀
@Kieran – Aw I love Jaimie!
Uri Gella’s Shopping List 🙂
thing is i’m in charge of printing out the points of sale for the shop tomorrow, i shall be feeling macheavellian all day now. lol
Derren, If you’ve red this, don’t give away too much. Your physiological techniques must be paying good dividends. Good choice of handkerchief for the Casino show. Live? Looking forward to all your future shows ip you know what I mean. Keep up the great work!
Yes! Hell yes! I never called it that, but Supermarket Shrink’s a great game.
Cat food, corned beef, horlicks = spinster
Ravioli, spaghetti hoops, 4 litres of white lightning = student
Vodka, creme eggs, large cucumber = me & a good night in
Thats great! I’ll see if I can get my friend to do that at morrisons hehe 😉
I adore Ivor Cutler! I often listen to his CD ‘Dandruff’ on the bus, I can’t help but giggle.
@flapjack – I used to do exactly that when I worked as a checkout person… but since I’ve devised a much more fiendish plan, possibly more appropriate for a “trigger happy TV” show than in reality…
I want to go through a checkout with things that’ll tell a story, but quite probably freak someone out… start with stuff like a box of chocolates, candles, flowers, room fragrance, couple of bottles of wine… then some canapes, finest veg, couple of steaks… a luxurious chocolate dessert… another bottle of wine… strawberries, cream… bottle of baileys, condoms… but then (spaced out on the conveyor belt)… bottle of cheap vodka… some embarrassingly shaped veg… marigolds… ball of string, duct tape… big roll of strong black bin liners… bleach…
Would they call security??
Funny, intelligent, and, in a way, a work of modern art. And I mean REAL modern art, not a giant white canvas with a red stripe in the corner, or a big crack in the floor (You may think I’m being funny, but those are actual, valuable exhibits in the Tate Modern. Seriously!)
Reminds me of something I saw in London, near Victoria Station; a big white button with a sign above it that said, ‘DO NOT DEPRESS THE BUTTON’. Not meant as a joke, but you have no idea how funny it is to watch a bunch of well-dressed, sophisticated Londoners walk past a button and scream at it, “YOU’RE FAT!!!”
Negative suggestion ; )
Ha ha, very good, Derren! Most enjoyable 🙂
@thecolinrocks – you crack me up!! 😀
Whoever came up with this is a genius!!!! i love them 😀
I do that sometimes.
Then I look at my own basket and think… oh right… yeah 🙁
The guy who does this is obviously quite sneaky, cheeky and rather…umm… naughty.
Not unlike some others I know of.
Pax, amor et concordia!
Thecolinrocks – actually now you mention it there’s probably some karma due to me here.
I used to be a stop-motion animation modelmaker and part of the plasticine modelling supplykit we would regularly get from Boots the chemist was babyoil (for smoothing plasticine), talcum powder (for rubbing down imperfections) and KY jelly or Vaseline (we used that for sticking the black pupils onto plastic eyeballs for rotational eye movements and for releasing molds).
To the passive observer it probably made me look like I was working as a rentboy in a kinky Soho massage parlour 😀 After several cringemakingly humiliating visits I just decided to brazen it out and let the checkout girl imagine the worst, as there wasn’t much choice in the matter!
BTW – Thecolinrocks… if you can affect a nervous tick or not wash for a week first that would add to the overall picture. Maybe scratch your face just a bit to make it look like there’d already been a struggle. Coming up with telling fashion choices is half the game too. Black leather gloves indoors would give it a sinister edge, as would affecting a vacant thousand mile stare when the assistant asks for payment.
Oh, and don’t forget the Halva beans and a nice Â£5 bottle of Chianti!
Haha! thats amazing. Makes food shopping a bit more fun
I’m always tempted to change the “Alternative Medicine” sign in our local boots to say “Pretend Medicine”…
Paul B x
Another one to do if anyone wants to have a bit of merriment, our local Morrisons have lots of those “reasons” signage dotted about that would be quite easy to duplicate, you know, the “more reasons to shop at morrisons” jingle, with something like “Reason #47 – fresh bread baked every day” or similar (side note – is there an “official” morrisons “reason list” they keep somewhere at head office?)
Duplicate some similar ones along the lines of “Reason #135 – biggest boobied checkout girls”, or “Reason #115 – less chavs shop here than Tesco”. Dot them around the store for comic effect.
Paul B xx
Ive got a picture of exactly that – A Sainsburys price tag –
except my one says “2 for Â£4.00 – Innocent Kids Juices”
o_O make of that what you will…
@kevin thats a good one of Tesco’s 3 for Â£4 yet normal price for one is 97p thus buying three for Â£2.97 saving a whole Â£1.03 🙂
@Derren and the rest of Brown Towers crew – if you want some more random pictures of hilarity – check out these on my flickr account taken in Sheffield Art Gallery
Ahhh, what a ledgend! ^^
It’s like that silly game where you pick the two or three items that will confuse the checkout person most when put together (say a leek, vaseline and a cat fanciers magazine)… only taken to the next level. Love this guy.
Do your shopping out of other people’s trollies. It’s great fun. They havent paid for it yet, there’s nothing they can do about it…
Funniest (and most telling) trolley load I ever saw was a few weeks ago in Sainsbury’s. A massive trolley full of kitchen towel plus one very large bag of cat litter!
@flapjack – haha karma indeed! I bet half the shop assistants were secretly dying to follow you home…
@flapjack – vaseline, KY and talcum..? I know what kind of modelling you were doing…
Jaykay – You’re completely wrong y’know… I do that type of modelling on Thursday nights, not the rest of the week 😀
What? I have bills to pay like everyone else. Don’t judge me!
@flapjack – Who’s judging? I just wanna see the photos.
I also love it. It was fun watching it. And flapjack and JayKay just chill and enjoy. Don’t get personal.
@Batterien – Eh? We’re havin’ a laugh!
@@Batterien – Wir scherzen mit einander.
I wonder if it hits people when they shop … I myself probably wouldn’t .. never buy this stuff …. ehhehe .. but maybe it would have caught my eye by accident … you see it … first nothing up there .. then HUH .. reading it again …. Or “OH MY GOD .. t hose shops get more and more stuipd nowadays .. who ever would place this together ???? That’s too dumb for words “.
Actually .. i was not reading the signs till it got through to me that it was about the signs … that nothing else was going to happen … ehehehe … always awaiting big stuff … (oh well .. not always .. ).
That’s brilliant, I wish the staff at my local Sainsbury’s had a sense of humour. : (
is this for real?!?!?! i really hope it is 😛
That is in Clifton, Bristol – wish I had seen them lol