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ALTON TOWERS!

Posted in Derren's Posts

Posted by Derren Brown April 29, 2009 at 2:53 pm

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What does a little touring family do when given a day off between Nottingham and Manchester? What else. That’s me on the far left, in my lame disguise: Coops’ hoodie. The park has come a long way since the Corkscrew was the main attraction: other high octane excitements such as Rita, Nemesis, Air and Oblivion (4 times) gave us just about all the fun we could take. The weather was terrible, so we ate burgers in the rain and wore regulation plastic ponchi.

On several occasions, a ride was delayed with people onboard for maintenance or to remove an individual too fat or inattentive to the arms-inside rule for it to proceed safely, which I found quite fascinating. Here, at the peak of child-like nervous anticipation, were dozens of us, strapped, clunked and clicked into place, bodies and minds prepared for the commencement of our chosen thrill; when that take-off was unexpectedly postponed, we were utterly unprepared, unsure how to respond other than to stare dumbly at the student ride operators, bewildered, as if in a trance, restrained in a kind of chav limbo.  

I took the liberty of securing a couple of prizes for a blog competition: some ‘Mindbender’ sweets from the gift shop, and the real treasure: an official fridge magnet showing myself and Mr. Coops aboard the ‘Air’ ride, where I can be seen to be amusingly pretending to smoke a cigarette as we glide pass the camera. Also noticeable in the image, as well in those below, is the make-up work done by our own Jennie before we commenced the rides: she blacked out several of the crew’s teeth so that we’d look injured in our ride photographs. How exciting! I shall post pictures of these superlative prizes when I have photographed them, and suggest a suitable activity for you to attempt, should you so desire, in order to win these rare objects for your good selves. 

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Right, I’m off to have a hotel massage and do an FHM interview. Please continue to enjoy yourselves. 

x

COMMENTS
April 29, 2009 at 2:57 pm
stephanie murray says:

wow u look happy! (ur always so intense its kind of scary!) haha. No it looks like u had a great time! and btw the disguise works, u uk like a young rufian! haha.


April 29, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Flapjack says:

OMG – How did you get to go on so many rides? I’ve been to Alton Towers and the ratio is about 1 hour 15 minutes of queuing to 4 minutes of ride. You weren’t using mind control to jump the queue now were you?
Air is the best… you can pretend to be Superman on the air ride as you whoosh past in horizontal seats with your arm outstretched!
Like the photo of the gang on “Submission”. There’s a name for your next tour right there!


April 29, 2009 at 3:09 pm
jameshogg says:

OMFG I wanna go 🙁

Wait.. I have a fear of those crazy rides. NVM! I’ll just watch 🙂


April 29, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Hannah says:

Cool! Air is my Favourite ride.. I went a few years back and we went on it 3 times in a row. Just before the park closed and it was pouring with rain! Super Super fun!!! At least you didnt get spotted and could enjoy the day! Nice wig and teeth too, thats a good look! xx


April 29, 2009 at 3:13 pm
BellaFiga says:

They’ve got a ride called Rita? That sounds terribly rude. Raining hard is best time to go to theme parks, as no-one sensible goes in the rain and you get on quick. Which Rita loves, apparently.


April 29, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Kirsty says:

That looks like so much fun. Haven’t been to Alton Towers for a year or so. I did wonder about the teeth until I read they’d been blacked out. Can’t wait for the Manchester show on Friday, yay!


April 29, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Rachael says:

@ stephanie murry – i think the trick is to go in the middle of the school term on a week day when it’s raining – it’s never going to get much quieter than that…


April 29, 2009 at 3:22 pm
ScreamingGreenConure says:

Hey, he stole that guy’s hoody! Hoodies are amazing – you can hide under them in the rain, they are warm, you can store your toque in the hood, they usually have pockets, you can hide your head in them and be completely anonymous… the list goes on. I hope he gave it back.


April 29, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Flapjack says:

JamesHogg – I know what you mean, I can’t bring myself to do the vomit comets like Oblivion and Nemesis, but Air is surprisingly easy on the gag reflex… if you’re building up your stamina in stages, I’d go on Air first.


April 29, 2009 at 3:54 pm
ReliegiousMarie says:

Lovely piccies!…specially love the yellow wigged soul sister hehee…and derren you look like a sexy new age witch with that hoodie, why were your teeth not black? ;-)…

Anyways, tata for the pic updates, though i have no clue what an ‘air’ is (somehow link it to a pepperoni-tale :mrgreen: )…am curious about the new competition!

sings like a soulsister: *bring it on, ba-bey* 🙂
xx


April 29, 2009 at 4:06 pm

OK folks have decided to bite the bullet and go for a name change as according to Phillis there are 4 Katherine’s lurking in and around this blog and poor old Phillis is starting to get confused. Haven’t noticed any of the others commenting or posting except for Catherine (hello) but if a name change is good enough for a certain Mr Brown then hey it must be alright for me. KatM from now on. (Thanks Phillis)

In that yellow wig Coops looks like a member of the Torquay United fan club judging by the crowd at the match last Saturday. Derren, make sure he wears it next Friday and Monday in support of Torquay in the play-offs to escape from the Blue Square Premier League.


April 29, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Ferrari Filly says:

I went to Alton Towers years ago and most of my time was spent waiting in very slow moving queues. Never been a fan of these rides, especially now I’m older. Riding the London Underground is about the limit of my risk taking!

Love the photos, though.


April 29, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Linds says:

LOVE Alton Towers… especially good on a cold Monday in October… you can run round and round without ever queuing for more than ten mins. Also loving the fact that Derren felt the need to don his jacket over the hoodie… there just has to be some tailoring somewhere 😉


April 29, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Mystery Woolcott says:

I saw you there!! My friends and I were staring at you for ages in the queue for Air trying to decide whether it was actually you or not! – Turns out it was! Which was nice. I was going to ask for a photo for my Facebook profile, but I had guessed the hoodie hood was an attemp at a disguise, as I later also found out to be correct – so I chose not to bother you! =) Hope you had a great day, we all did. Remember; Rain = No queueing at Alton Towers, it was a good choice of day to go I feel!

Regards

Erik


April 29, 2009 at 4:37 pm
ScreamingGreenConure says:

I know there’s at least one other person with my real name posting in comments and it’s similar to Katherine, too. Madness, I tell you.


April 29, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Lilac says:

God I love those pictures! I can’t believe how lovely person Derren has to be for taking the time to write this blog in such an amusing way.

I was already wondering about that hoodie. Surely it couldn’t be Derren’s…although it suits him very well and makes him look 20 years younger!


April 29, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Amanda says:

Oh look a monkey in a yellow wig…


April 29, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Amanda says:

@SGC

I have a toaster called Screaming, maybe it is (p) toasting on this blog usurping your good name….?


April 29, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Berber Anna says:

SGC: I notice the handsome male who looks like your roomie is in the pictures again, too! Maybe Derren did steal your roommate after all… 😛


April 29, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Sean Rafael says:

Awh, I love Alton towers.

*adds: “Go to Alton Towers with Derren” to things to do before I die list*


April 29, 2009 at 5:40 pm
rogerthevicar says:

Whos the girl very nice 😉


April 29, 2009 at 5:55 pm
EmilyT says:

Awesome! Looks like you had a great day despite the weather. “…restrained in a kind of chav limbo…” brilliant description – most fitting hehe. If you like theme parks, Drayton Manor isn’t that far from Alton Towers and has some interesting rides that Alton doesn’t.

@Flapjack – go on a weekday in school term time and you barely have to queue at all!


April 29, 2009 at 6:02 pm
ScreamingGreenConure says:

@ Amanda: if only I had a good name to usurp.
@ Berber Anna, he doesn’t look so much like my roommate in these pictures. There’s still a resemblance, but I think it’s mainly the beard. Can we get a height estimate on the guy? My roommate is over 6 feet.


April 29, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Fraser says:

I love Alton Towers 🙂

Derren can so totally pull off the chav look, it’s a little scary.

Glad to see everyone’s enjoying themselves.
x


April 29, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Sarah says:

Aha, I love Alton Towers. Although it does worry me that when someone pukes on the ride they just hose it down and then send the seats round once to dry off. Think of all the nasty puke germs. D:


April 29, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Flapjack says:

@ Emily and everyone else who suggested it – I should have guessed that termtime weekdays and rainy days are good Alton towers days but thanks for the feedback. My mate has some half-price tickets and I’m thinking of going again before the hoardes decend for their summer holidays.
Just one problem… rollercoasters and driving rain hitting you in the face at 80mph… isn’t that just slightly painful. (The rain I mean, obviously a rollercaster hitting you in the face at 80mph is going to smart a bit!)
On a related topic I always feel sorry for the guy who has to mop up the vomit, there’s always one on every rollercoaster.


April 29, 2009 at 6:27 pm
jameshogg says:

‘Derren Brown once hypnotised a guy to shave his beard into a perfect replica of his goatee. On an Alton Towers ride.’


April 29, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Joshm says:

The guy in the yellow wig looks so much naboo from the mighty boosh!! Even better that he plays a shaman in the show haha


April 29, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Rhian says:

Alton Towers would be so much fun to visit with Derren et al! At least I was no where near Alton Towers yesterday unlike Monkey World on Saturday!

*wonders if Derren would be brave enough to go on the rides at the top of the Stratosphere Tower in Las Vegas….*


April 29, 2009 at 8:26 pm
sue says:

Brilliant! Good to see your all getting chance to have some fun inbetween the shows.

Love Alton Towers….. you should check out Flamingoland when you are oop North — the Velocity ride is outta this world (rollercoaster on a motorbike 0-60 in 2.8 seconds!!!). I imagine you’ll be spending your free time at the lovely Parrot Sanctuary though.

Hope all goes well tonight, I was meant to be there, but couldn’t due to other commitments. :o(

btw – we all know Coops in the pics, but who are the other guys (n gal)??

xx


April 29, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Brian says:

I once smuggled a beer in a plastic pint ‘glass’ onto a ride in Belgium… so I got a wonderful picture at the scary bit of the ride of me delicately sipping from the pint whilst all around me screamed. Was strangely very satisfying to do.

And, yeah, got covered in beer immediately afterwards.


April 29, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Emma Rose says:

Derren, you ought to get a close protection officer! Princess Diana went shopping on Oxford street every day and never got noticed once because of her bodyguard!

The intro video for Oblivion that plays as you wait would be way better if it was Derren that did it!


April 29, 2009 at 9:05 pm
mary says:

i like the bit were derren brown pretends to smoke a cigarette on the ride.


April 29, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Chris says:

Looks like you had an amazing time.
Always good to have a day off and relax! At the moment I tend to lean more towards resting and less towards working… Maybe one day I’ll do MASSES of work to compensate for it. Then again just thinking that is making me feel the need to lie down for a little while!

Chrisx


April 29, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Donna says:

What a fantatsic way to take the day off 🙂

I’m glad you had fun. I’m surprised no one recognised you, perhaps that disguise was’nt as lame as you thought..

Good luck with the rest of the tour Derren

xx


April 29, 2009 at 10:17 pm
zoe r says:

looks fun. 🙂 🙂


April 29, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Thistooshallpass says:

The thing is, I was quite happy reading about your day at Alton Towers and the pictures were making me smile but its all been spoilt with talk of vomit and how they deal with it when it ‘appears’ yuk….I don’t do vomit….. Its kind of my ‘thing’ lol
Glad you all enjoyed your day out even though it was raining.
Watch out Manchester Derren is around for ‘four’ days…life as you know it will never be quite the same again.


April 29, 2009 at 11:40 pm
L Ron Hubbard says:

They could knock down the whole theme park and just have Oblivion in my opinion. The little git of an intentional pause at the top, just long enough for your buttocks to clench and you to lose your breath, and then 12 seconds of absolute joy. If I remember rightly it cost 1 million pounds per second of ride to build. A bargain!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-EA0l9JUsc


April 30, 2009 at 12:35 am
chantelle says:

oh wow looks such fun I wish I could go somewhere like that I can’t afford it at the moment as I’m coming to see you in a couple of weeks & hotels & traveling don’t come cheap!!!

Must go over summertime though or maybe not as it may be too crowded maybe my birthday would be a better time to go!

do they even open in October though? that’s one thing I honestly don’t know!

glad you enjoyed yourself the photo’s look great 😀

lmao at coops in that curly yellow wig teeheeheeee 😀

so bummed I can’t see you while your in Manchester *sobs* I like the Lowry it’s a very nice theater & the 1st place I ever met you *ahh such lovely memories* thanks for those 🙂

see you soon hon 🙂

safe travels & enjoy yourself love 🙂


April 30, 2009 at 1:08 am
AJ Ventura says:

Wonderful post. A great way for me to start my day. 😀


April 30, 2009 at 1:09 am
Simon & Jennie says:

Love the photos, we see what you mean about them Coops. It looks like you all had a fun day out.

Love the tour, look forward to the other little post you have coming from the tour.


April 30, 2009 at 1:25 am
Diana says:

NOTHING compared to the thrills at Six Flags in the states!

http://www.sixflags.com/greatEscape/rides/Sasquatch.aspx


April 30, 2009 at 3:24 am
Berber Anna says:

SGC: If you look at his legs in the1st pic, they seem to be about as long as Derren’s, which would make him about the same height. So, he’s a bit shorter than your roomie.
He also kind of reminds me of a guy I know from LARPs, who, incidentally, IS really tall. Heh.

I need to go ride some rollercoasters too — it’s been far too long. Can’t stand overly crowded amusement parks, though… maybe rainy weekdays really are a good idea for that 😉


April 30, 2009 at 5:49 am
Ciara says:

Am really glad you guys all had a good day Derren and were able to do it in disguise – hope Coops didn’t get too drenched with you wearing his hoodie though 😛

Good luck with the rest of the tour – I can’t wait for your next one!

xx


April 30, 2009 at 7:55 am
Lyvvie says:

That’s it, swine flu be damned. I’m riding a roller coaster!


April 30, 2009 at 10:03 am
ScreamingGreenConure says:

Berber Anna: Huh, good point. Okay, he hasn’t stolen my roommate. The fact that I could see him downstairs with the other roommate, who is married to him and would kick up a fuss if he vanished, should have clued me in.


April 30, 2009 at 11:39 am
Marie says:

OMG, I nearly died on air, well it felt like it! I couldn’t breath and was shaking real bad! Never again!!! Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is more my style these days x


April 30, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Rob says:

Is anyone else taken back that Derren actually went on rides?

I assume this was a “Coops trip”, as took him more for a day with the animals or arty type one.

gone up in my estimation again Mr Brown.

Cheers
Rob


April 30, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Katherine says:

Air is great. It as near as you can get to fulfilling my childhood fantasy of flying. And isn’t Oblivion the most terrifying but somehow fun experience ever?! Glad you all had a nice day.


April 30, 2009 at 2:47 pm

The Katherine at comment 49 is not me! Confusing. Advice to Katherine @49 – change your name!


April 30, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Sue says:

Rob – *lol* Yeh I think your right…. I guess Monkey World was Derrens choice, and Alton Towers was Coops.


April 30, 2009 at 3:18 pm
ScreamingGreenConure says:

Who wouldn’t choose Monkey World? It sounds amazing. On the other hand, who wouldn’t choose Alton Towers? The only answer is to combine the two attractions into one. It can’t be that hard, they have a Seaworld in Blackpool Tower, why not a Monkey World in Alton Towers?


April 30, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Sabina says:

Fab photos! Looks and sounds like you all had a great time which is good to hear.

I always giggle my breasts off at Alton Towers (always get them back), but I think my favourite ride is the little optical illusion one inside the stately home. Hoping to go back this summer so looking forward to the new rides…


May 1, 2009 at 11:20 am
J2g says:

The plural of Poncho is Ponchos.


May 1, 2009 at 11:48 am
Siobhan says:

@J2g: and the plural of grammar Nazi is grammer Nazis…


May 1, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Katherine says:

Sorry. Have not posted before and only found out about this name malarkey by reading back all your posts. That’ll teach me to post first and read after!


May 1, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Katherine368 says:

Argh! I did put ‘368’ in first but forgot to do the spam thing and then when I clicked back it had gone and I didn’t notice. I’ll just go!


May 2, 2009 at 12:34 pm
amanda says:

isnt’ the plural of poncho penchant?


May 3, 2009 at 9:21 pm
J2g says:

@Siobhan: I would have let the mis-spelling of grammar above slide, if you hadn’t got it right the first time! tut tut. 😛


May 9, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Maja says:

Hi!
I was also there that day and it was a great day for all off us (me, Tina-sis and Gary). Then I found a penny on the ground and our luck turn for even better. We run into you and your friend under the Rita. You were really kind and now we have picture off you with us. How great is that 😉
You are really amazing. You really amaze me.
When I showed the photo to my friends back home here in Slovenia (yes, you have some fans here also) they were fascinated.
Your small gesture made our day and I hope we did¨t bothering you.
Thx you for that. You are astonishing.
Lots off hugs and kisses.
Maja


November 19, 2009 at 6:33 pm
harleyann says:

hello i have been alston towers if you have not been it is so sick you sod go 🙂


November 19, 2009 at 6:34 pm
harleyann says:

i love it and i love you 🙂 ::::::::::::::::::::))))))))))))))