I am sat in a Manchester hotel enjoying a late breakfast across from Ian McDiarmid, who is appearing in Be Near Me, in a theatre alongside where our show currently sits at the Lowry. He adapted the play himself from Andrew O’Hagan’s Booker-nominated novel, which follows the relationships of an elderly priest with two unstable teenagers.

Last night he wandered into the back of our show – our theatres are connected and there is a maze of uniform grey corridors to navigate – which delighted our crewmember Iain, the ‘handsome’ fellow many of you have taken a shine to in the crew photos. Iain is a Star Wars aficionado, and took great delight in re-directing the wayward Emperor whilst concealing the small private accident he was having at the time.

Seeing as many of you have asked, here is the full crew list:

Bearded, apparently handsome but I don’t see it myself: Iain. Iain looks after my props, and sets the stage, and is kind of my bitch.

Looks like a heavier-set Bruce Willis (not pictured below): Andy. Andy looks after sound and lighting and all the tech stuff.

Looks like Julianne Moore or Meryl Streep depending on the photo: Jennie. Some of you may know her from a DVD extra that covered the Robbie Williams shoot day. Jen does my make-up and is kind and coconut-scented enough to take care of other lady-like things like doing much of the artwork and sewing the bits of fabric that are involved in the show.

Looks like a cheeky monkey: Mr. Coops.

They also have to build and dissemble the show every night we come in or out, so they’re a very hard-working bunch. It’s a real pleasure to tour and have so much fun with some of my best friends.


There you are.